Out of the Broomcloset
I want to share something rather private with you. So far, only my husband, son, and two very close friends know this, but I thought I might share it with you, too.
I am a witch. Well, a witchlet growing into a witch. At any rate, I am wandering down that enticing path and trying to enjoy the journey, although it seems to be a long one in my case.
No green face, no bedhead except first thing in the morning, and striped stockings make my legs look fat(ter) than I like. On the other hand, when I bought my 9 inch cauldron not too long ago, with a whistful look my muggle husband inquired what would be cooking in it, having visions, no doubt, of Brunswick stew and chili.
Several decades ago, unhappy with the religions I had experienced, which included several of the largest faiths in the world. I prayed, but found solitary prayer did not answer all my needs, and chased Deity looking for a way to live and worship that would meet my requirements: it had to be real and reasonable, and it had to have such an impact on my life that I would grow and change as a result. At the same time, it had to make sense in a world where scientific knowledge and experience were constantly changing how I experienced that world.
I began, as I begin almost anything, by reading. I read Jess Stearn’s book about the girl with the blue eyes and got interested in the possibility of reincarnation. I read “Many Mansions” and many books on those topics followed as I thought and read and rethought. As a woman with a background of religious education, teaching classes for several years, I found much to consider. And the more I thought, the more sense reincarnation made.
Living on the West coast, in an area often colored by the various aspects of the “lunatic fringe” who reside there, I was quiet and solitary in my investigations. Paganism carried the fragrance of a well known blonde star who joined a Satanist church, with an underlying note left by the Manson group activities of late repute, and any time an animal was found to have died in mysterious circumstances, the media would allege that possibly pagans were involved. My manicurist confided that she had been pagan but quit because there were terrible things that provided the power and she was desperately afraid.
So I continued on my solitary way and found a new manicurist, too. I read books by people who came out of the literary broom closet in the 80s, as well as books about visioning quests, seeing auras, and books alleging to have secrets from secret societies printed right there in the book which I could own for only $9.98 hardback. I read about trances and meditation and occasionally tried them, as I occasionally tried the occasional spell guaranteed to make me thin, rich, famous, and almost guaranteed Jon Bon Jovi would be my boyfriend.
I dipped into astrology, art therapy, numerology, and the occasional – very occasional – psychic reading. Possibly, I was not open to the truths woven into the readings. Possibly, the readers were not that talented.
In the meantime, I learned about feng shui, and the flow of energy. Here was something I could, and did, do. And the results were stunning and so quick as to be nearly automatic.
I learned about affirmations, and about bringing things into my life by visualizing them. Over a fifteen year period, I brought into my life, against every logical chance in the world as I knew it, a longterm employment position, including a promotion, with an agency where the #2 guy (statewide) had said I would work there only over his dead body. I became the owner of a house so beautiful and wonderful that I never could have imagined living in it. I became, at a very late age, the mother of a marvelous child, and did that against almost every scientific statistic. I met and married a man (we are going on the 13th year of marriage) who had everything I asked for, from the dimple to the dancing (except he doesn’t look like Tom Selleck). I got allied medical care that took me out of a wheelchair and into a life where I walk relatively normally, despite the fact that my injuries were permanent and I was told they would not let me walk normally. These things were the result of using tools I had discovered during all of this metaphysical reading. I know now that I could probably have done things more quickly and efficiently, but the end results were enough to convince me that there was substance to all this stuff about energy, thoughts, will, and power of visualization.
When we moved to the East coast, I was still reading. Books on incense, oils and candle magick. Books on divine dreaming. Books on chakra balancing. But I was still alone, not progressing to the steps where I would make these things a part of my everyday life, and I had no one with whom I could discuss these topics. I got a psychic reading from a witch who advised me, among a group of things that were pertinent and true, that I was a magickal person and needed to develop that ability before time ran out.
I went online, finally, and found groups of witches’, pagans' goddesses. Went, learned a lot, met friendly, interested and interesting people, and found a few magnificent people willing to teach me and to practice with me, to help me incorporate being a witch and developing abilities and powers, into my daily life. I am now able to enjoy practicing in a circle with people I know and trust, as well as practicing in my daily life at home.
I am learning to feel energy in vibrant ways I never before experienced. I am learning to lean over a smoking cauldron and scry the fire, to ask and receive answers to questions I pose. I am learning to cast a circle that even my diva cat respects, as she lies right at the outside limit of it till I am done with my work. I am learning to catch the occasional glimpse of something more spectral and less dense as it passes through the yard or room. I play with energy balls and they play with me, changing to green when I ask for pink so that I know someone is laughing with me or at me as I practice. I have a fluorite wand that absolutely pounds in my hand when I hold it, so great is its desire to share its energy with me. I had already felt the whisper of the goddess as she folded her wings gently about me in times of crisis. But now, I realize there are so many, many levels and so many wonders and marvels yet to sense, know, experience.
And there is that community of believers who are supportive and willing to discuss the things that are so interesting about being pagan and a witch. I learn from them every time I talk or socialize with them, and my abilities are beginning to come into focus. I am learning about the goddess, about the universe, and about how I relate to both. It has taken most of my lifetime to get to this point, but my journey out of the broomcloset has begun!
Newwitch
